no. 86: the spirit of vulnerability
It's been a very busy and productive week over here at the A U S E T headquarters but I had to stop to address a question that was posted in our SUPERWOMEN & GODDESSES Facebook Community. It is as follows . . .
How are women successful in living their softer side while still maintaining their fierceness? My men have only acknowledged my ability to do anything, which is true if the effort is ordained by God. But at times I, too, get overwhelmed and just want him to take me in his arms and say,
"Baby, it's gonna be alright."
How do I get that?
AKUA: I'm not sure I've reached mastery, but I do know it's a dance. Tango dancing is a great illustration of this concept. Having the Spirit of vulnerability and surrender = femininity. Femininity calls forth the masculine in a masculine man, which is more rare than you would think.
SAMANTHA: I really don't understand what this means. What exactly is the spirit of vulnerability?
I have a feeling that Lynn and Samantha's questions are questions that many, many, many women have. They are great questions, important questions. The world and our culture doesn't seem to be a safe place for the Spirit of vulnerability to be expressed. Just months from the largest women's march in history, we're in a climate where the passing patriarchal era of consciousness is bumping heads with a more feminine and integrated era of consciousness. Our grandmothers, mothers, and daughters have very different experiences in the dance of the feminine/masculine dynamic; within themselves first, let alone interaction with their male counterparts. With slogans like, "The Future Is Female." we've got to be careful not to just replace male-expressed supremacy with a semblance of the same supremacy by females, because it still doesn't represent integration or balance. That's a whole 'nother topic so let's continue with this one.
"Baby, it's gonna be alright."
The topic at hand is a woman asking how does she "live her softer side while still maintaining fierceness," for someone to have your back and provide reassurance when you feel overwhelmed. Well first of all, everyone has moments - girls and boys, men and women all may need to be reassured that "it's gonna be alright" from time-to-time when what's seen and experienced is questionable.
Somehow being in need or desiring reassurance is not an admirable trait in women to other women in our culture. There seems to be a celebration and aspiration to be independent and having it all together without a single crack of need. After all, a fierce, bad b*tch definitely wouldn't seem to require, need, want or desire support, assistance, or rescuing. If you ever watched the Cosby Show back in the 90s, remember when Cliff Huxtable got in trouble at an all-women's book club he attended with his wife Clair when he suggested that women have an innate need to be rescued by their man? Me and my male counterparts grew up with the powerful, sassy and dynamo feminist hero Clair Huxtable who never seemed to ever break a sweat in all her "I am woman, hear me roar."- perfection. Isn't it time to rethink the idea that you can't be fierce and soft at the same time?
V U L N E R A B I L I T Y
When I think of vulnerability I think of the most magnetic and endearing beings on the planet: babies. Baby mammals of all kinds. My mother's heart-warming and beloved furry baby i.e. dog Lola for instance has no shame in how she expresses her desire for attention, affection, or any need she may have. She will roll over on her back with legs WIDE open, belly exposed and look you dead in your eye waiting to be rubbed. There's not one bit of coyness or passive-aggressiveness. She is clear about what she wants from you. It makes sense that people create deep connection, intimacy and loyalty with their pets.
Southern California, home of the oh-so-isolating Hollywood, a not so vulnerable-friendly town is also a big dog town. When I lived in Venice Beach, California, I'm pretty certain one out of every three people had a furry baby.
When I think of vulnerability, I think of children who are quick to display their feelings, ask for what they desire up front and to quickly move on from hurt once the moment is over. Could it be that those who are the most "susceptible to harm" are the most endearing? Small, delicate, fragile, open. Look at the puppy and kitten sleeping above. Anything could happen to them and yet they sleep so peacefully. Vulnerable is defined as: "susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm."
When we interface with another in relationship we are susceptible to physical, emotional, financial, etc. attack, harm, rejection and ruin. Scary stuff for most of us.
C O N T R O L
There once was this woman who was in a relationship with a Leo man who gave, gave, gave, gave, gave. He did everything for her. She loved it, in fact she was in heaven - for awhile. He made her feel like such a queen until she realized that he maintained control through his giving. She began to notice that he would not accept nor allow her to do for him; like cooking or reciprocate in any way. It occurred to her the more she got to know him, that it felt very one-sided and it wasn't so much that he was treating her like a queen but his way of maintaining control, ALL THE TIME. Because there was no dance of mutual giving and receiving between them they never developed a deep connection or true intimacy because he just wasn't receptive. It began to feel very unnatural and out of balance to her so she ended the relationship and remained friends with him. Of course, all Leo women and men are not the same. Human beings are complex, it goes way beyond one's sun sign. At the same time, there do seem to be over-arching characteristics in people that share the same sun sign and even more so in quadruplicities. Quadruplicity? Yes. Quadruplicity.
Q U A D R U P L I C I T I E S
I recently took an IQ test and noticed that a great deal of the questions had to do with seeing patterns. I've recognized a bit of a pattern with how easy it is for certain sun/moon signs to be vulnerable while others have a very difficult time with it.
LEO • SCORPIO • AQUARIUS • TAURUS
ARIES • CANCER • LIBRA • CAPRICORN
GEMINI • VIRGO • SAGITTARIUS • PISCES
Quadraplicities are groups of four by mode of zodiac influence when one feels stimuli or somehow put under tension. It's how they get their elemental (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual) needs satisfied. Those groups are as follows:
Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus
resistant, unchanging, steadfast, determined, self-reliant, stubborn, passive-aggressive.
Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn
initiator, enterprise, active, quick, ambitious, driven, domineering, sets the tone, dynamic
Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces
adaptable, assimilating, go with the flow, chameleon, flexibility, resourceful, diplomatic
Each characteristic can be beneficial as well as self-defeating depending upon how the mode is implemented or expressed. It would take a professor of social work born under the sign of Scorpio to teach on the topic "The POWER of Vulnerability," in her famous TED talk. Born 18 November, Brene Brown became a household name through her alliance with Oprah on the subject of vulnerability. Scorpio, the most unlikely to be vulnerable. It's funny how we teach what we seek to master, as the way of the fixed Scorpio is not that of being vulnerable but of being in control, unreceptive and resistant.
So, what is the answer to Lynn's question of "how to be soft while fierce at the same time?"
First things first, any and everyone doesn't deserve your vulnerability. It's a casting pearls before swine type of thing. We wouldn't leave our precious children or puppies around anyone who's questionable. Once you've determined that it's a safe environment, open yourself up to the dance of giving and receiving. A dance that ignites a spark, connection and intimacy that creates something electric. Give yourself over to an openness and honesty that is bigger than your learned political, manipulative agenda - be unrefined, like a child before it learns to alter his/her essential Self to get a predetermined outcome.
Open your heart, expose your belly, be wide open and willing to be
susceptible to the thing that you fear.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BE VULNERABLE TODAY?
Thank you for reading. If you feel generous, SHARE.
♡ ☆ ♀
Day 20 of 2/12 Moons